My biggest question is why? Why do bad things happen to good people? I know this is a question that has been asked for centuries…but really, why? I am trying to not view this as a “bad thing” but it is very difficult to do that. Yes, I know she will be a blessing. Yes, I know she will bring joy to our family. However, it is hard to grasp the fact that she will never be a “normal kid”. She will not be able to “kid stuff” like ride a bike, hike up a hill, or chase other kids around. She will not do “teenager stuff” like have a first kiss or be involved in sports. At this point, it is even sad that she won’t even be able to be rebellious. The saddest part for me is the fact that she will not be able to experience falling in love, getting married, and having children. I know that being a mother has been the most amazing experience of my life. The fact that she can never experience this journey of motherhood is so sad.
I find it very difficult not to be angry. Why our family? Looking through the years, Jason and my families have had our share of problems. My own brother lived only a few short days. Jason has lost both his grandfather and his aunt and I lost my grandfather to health problems. Beyond that though, is the fact that my sister-in-law (Jason’s sister) has cerebral palsy. What are the odds that Jason not only has a handicapped sister but also a daughter? Looking on the bright side, he is very prepared for this life. It never ceases to amaze me how strong Jason is. While I have been in mental turmoil for months, Jason has said more than once “it doesn’t change anything; she is still our Lucy Goosey”.
Even though I wonder why this happened, I believe that I was chosen to be the mother of this precious angel. Every day I come to work and interact with both children and their parents. Needless to say, I cannot imagine my daughter being raised by the majority of these parents. The life she will have with us will be one of love and happiness. What a blessing that she was sent to our family.
You are right, what a blessing that she was sent to your loving family and that Jason has been specifically prepared. No one can answer why except perhaps because she needed you. I know that the majority of LDS people that I know believe that those children with Down Syndrome were especially important in the premortal world and that they have been given Down's in this life so as not to be tempted b/c basically, the devil has it out for them. I don't know if that's doctrine, but I imagine that if it is, LucyAnn was even more important and instrumental in escorting Satan out of heaven.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that asking 'why' is a natural response and part of what you have to go through in mourning for the life that you wished Lucy could live. You are in our prayers and thoughts. You are a wonderful mom. A wonderful person. And personally, I believe that you were chosen to be Lucy's mom because the Lord knew that you could handle it and that Lucy would be the best and most loved in your care. That doesn't mean that you have to do it alone though. We are all here to help. Just let us know how and we'll be there.
First can I say I admire you first as a mom. Being a mom of a "normal"(and is there really such a thing?)baby has been a challenge and a trial and a blessing all at the same time. I think asking why is normal and mourning is normal too. I think you guys were chosen too.
ReplyDeleteI wish I was there to give you guys a big fat hug...You ask why you and your family but the whole time I was reading I kept thinking "thank goodness Lucy was blessed with Ali and Jason" She will have unconditional love and endless patience. I have no doubt that she will accomplish more than others would think possible because of you guys. And some day when you get to talk to your sweet girl with out the disability I'm sure she will tell you how glad she is to be in your family and to have you as her mother. If there's anything we can do let us know, we love you guys.
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